Chapter 1. Quarantine Clarity.
When the news broke about COVID-19, the virus seemed distant. There was an overload of information and it was difficult to understand how severe it was at first.
I left for Hawaii with everything normal and came back to a semi panicked world. First my siblings school shut down, and we moved to limited hours at work. Before that schedule even went into action we received another notice that we were closing the store for an extended amount of time.
The nation hadn’t really gone into full blown panic yet so with my newly freed schedule I looked at flights and thought about flying to a certain city to visit a certain boy that I had recently re-kindled casual conversation with. I had been wanting to visit this place for a while and he had just moved there. When he extended and invatation to visit I thought, why not? Flights were so cheap! Like $30 dollars round trip. So it seemed to be not much of a expense on my end. I ran it by my mom and realized $30 spent still could be $30 saved. She also mentioned that although she admired my free spirit- before visiting someone we should at least have talked on the phone a few times which had not happened. so I made the executive decision to not hop on the next outbound flight from LAX. A good decision on my end being that within the next 72 hours unessecary travel was highly discouraged and self isolation was trending. I could see it now, being quarantined in his apartment with everything closed and the only thing to occupy us is each others company. I know that sounds harsh but I don’t mean it that way. It’s just a little too much too fast for something so casual. I concluded that travel to see someone merits some sort of a commitment.
Halfway into self isolation I had the brilliant idea that I was going to confront all the guys in the past 6 months who had ghosted me. I asked myself what I was hoping to get out of it and it was some sort of explanation or answer as to why they stopped communication. But I decided that their silence is the only explanation I need. In fact, silence is an answer! And the answer is they just don’t want to talk to you.
This pandemic has made me see a lot of benefits to having a significant other. Someone to hunt every grocery store for toilet paper with, someone to stock up on all your favorite snacks, and be stuck together for an excessive amount of time doing nothing but being in each other’s company. I always have played the “I love being single” card but I’ve started to come out from hiding behind that defense mechanism.
I would like to have someone. Two heads are better than one.
If I’m being honest my idea to go visit that boy was only partially because I wanted to visit the city. I liked the idea of having a potential end of the world partner. I imagined it being like a movie. Very heroic. Us vs. them. Saying that you experienced a pandemic together is great relationship resume material. but this is all my imagination making up scenarios that would probably not even play out the way I think they would.
By the end of the week I decided that I was going to shift my focus to things that are a current reality (school, Kind Girls Win, family relationships, and friendships)
I may feel lonely at times, especially at a time like this, but I can’t let that feeling dictate decisions that I make. I know my partner is out there somewhere, maybe self isolated with who he believes to be his forever, or maybe he’s just by himself using this time to play video games. Either way I know we will make up for this time seemingly lost.
until next week,